I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
