if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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