Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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