Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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