So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
