Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
