I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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