New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
