I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
