im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
