I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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