pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
