Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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