i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
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