Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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