somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
