I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
