This dress was meant to end up on your floor
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
