everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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