that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
