I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
