Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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