If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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