You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
