I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
