Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Sober January is a disaster.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
