I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
