How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Oh god it's open bar.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
