he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
