That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
