why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
