JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
