if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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