You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
