I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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