i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
