at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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