Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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