dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
