I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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