you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
