Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
