I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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