called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
