Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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