I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
