We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
