i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
