hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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