She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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