so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
