She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
