I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
