I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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