I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
