I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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