I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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