You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
