if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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