you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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