Can Purell be used as lube?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
