somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
