My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
