I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
