Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Mom said you looked used
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
