Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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